message~~

unbelievable~~my dad replied my messages...

"bcow..i know u're not mean to hurt them..i can see how u care their feelings...

u're attitudes getting serious ...y moody?

u just told them and apologized to them....try to make it....

although they didnt say anything, but u have done what u should do...

no more sadness k?"

my tears dropped down all in sudden...so touched...

all single words made me feel that im not alone...

u're busy....sometimes makes me hard to breath...

but, i knw how to do...i have apologized...

but it seems like nothing ...

i will try not to think ady...

just let it be..be happy..

i really am now....;(

early ~~

 4.40am...

你们心裡，狮子座永远都是高高在上，一副高傲的样子。他们给人的感觉就是霸道和骄傲。但是，影子下的狮子座其实是只脆弱的小猫咪，他们害怕被遗弃，害怕孤单，就算街上有很多人，他们还是觉得只有自己一个人在游荡，徘徊着。。



狮子座的内心很少人懂，因为他们总是把心事放在心裡，而把快乐的表情显露在人群面前。这样的狮子座，真的很可悲吧。他们好面子，害怕心裡的事情和秘密被人们揭穿，害怕……人们看见的是一个赤裸裸的他。



狮子座很有义气，他们喜欢交很多的朋友，和朋友们分享一切。但一旦被朋友伤害或是背叛，他们就真的不会再相信‘朋友’这两个字。其实狮子座对人的戒心原本就很重了，被伤害后，你觉得，他们还会信任你吗？



不 要觉得狮子座是很热情的星座，有时候，他们只是不想把场子搞冷，才拼命地大笑，像个小丑似的在朋友面前表演惹他们笑，这样的狮子座真的好虚伪，但却没人发 现。原谅狮子座偶尔的沉默，也不要问他们怎麽了，他们只是想一个人静一静，因为，平常的压力已经把他们逼得喘不过气，他们只是想有自己的时间，好好放空自 己，放鬆心情和脑子。不要说他们虚假，因为你根本不知道狮子座的内心是多麽的累。



狮子座其实是个很怕羞的星座，可是有人帮助他或是安慰他的时候，他会永远记得那个人，感谢那个人。这就是狮子座。



"sorry" for everything...this is real me....cindy is cindy...

althought i tried hard to change my attitudes, but it still remain the same...

this is my real altitudes...

everyday i hope all my friends besides happy...so, i just tried hard to do not to hurt them.

but lastly, i did it...so now, just let me alone and escape...

i thought everything will be fine...but,  it won't....never...

well, i will try to be independence and learn what i should learn now...

regret is not a solution....

真的觉得我们好可怜。。
酱多朋友，没一个了解我们的内心。。 :'(

so hard to find a friend who really understand what im thinking about..


yes, i like to cry, to laugh, to scold....but, who let me to do all about that, 


that's mean the who is the one i love or appreciated....


but, who else understand? no one...


even i will always express out my feelings, but, 


sometimes, even i was laugh or played a joke with friends,


i just dont want to let others know how painful am i....








god bless...hope you all stay in healthy and happiness)

killing..

how to control my bad tempered???? who else can answer me??

so moody! haiz...(

disappear~~

wanna disappear now...let myself stay alone....

disappear maybe a better choice for me?

what feeling??

lastly, i have apologized to them...although they didnt reply to me

*abit disappointed*..but it was enough ady...

i know their feelings...so i scared to face them....

All my faults...so no next time ady...

i will try to control...try to....

so so so so sorry....

broken

no one could help me besides myself...no others...no one could really stand by my side....

god, thanks for giving me "sa,ooi, yiing and yee" besides me...


otherwise, i will fell lonely and nothing besides me...i appreciated it...

what i wish now not your "sorry"...

just hope u all are in healthy and happy life now.....

how wish i can back to home and stay with u mum....i miss u..

can u please dont scold me anymore? i feel unsecured...can please please just hug me?

even im 21 years old but still like a baby, mum....

however, i promised, i will take care myself and stand up!no more sad


although i need times to cure my broken heart....

我真痛了。。

how i can forget what happening to me? brother treated me as stranger..

mother blamed us not treat her nicely....

dad always busy on his works..nothing at all...

me? i need u all...but how ? means nothing at all....

recently~~

depressed

Have you experienced setbacks??? 

Setbacks seem to always come at the worst possible time too.

They are often deemed the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

I would have felt like life was conspiring against me, dragging me down. 

I would have felt unlucky.

what i need to do just trusting myself and do what should i do..

but not to expect others....

high expectation high disappointment....

what i need just time to release my stress...

i just hope i can stand over all rubbish in my life now....

Should i shut my mouth?? well...i should...

sometimes i felt that all people around have changed...but actually they aren't....

maybe have own personalities? nope...is maybe something 

sad or bad happened that could make them changed?

i have no right to judge as i'm not that 

kind of perfect girl....ain't?

Bad tempered? yea..this should be me....but i love all my friends... 

the one who makes me angry is the one who i care about...

u care me?

bad tempered????

bad tempered!! feel mad...dont you know that how bad n rude are you? your personality really such....i cnt explain it! u think you're so beautiful? when others talk about the truth about u, but u're so rude and talk to others badly!!!! speechless!!

你还是你吗？

where are you? i can't even understand why ..can anyone tell me why? why?..i asked myself every night....am i useless and not important to u all ady? why you hide the truth? i can't believe this is you....why not from your mouth telling me that where are you..
i feel that i wan cry out!! it's so hard to control myself.....i cn't cry..can't....

Cant lie that how much im worrying mum n didi now.....i hate myself...im not a good daughter...not a good sister and absolutely, im not a good girlfriend..how wish i can back to home now...but how? i can't leave at this moment....all assignments and midterm waiting for me....(..

when i knew dad are in oversea now, feel glad coz u're safety now..but my mind was blank afterwards! "i hate u" this words coming out in my mind....but i really miss u dad.....im not comfortable....im so stress..

last time, when i stress and darkness, you will be there for me...but i have alots of things to share with you....i need you dad....really....mummy for sure so lonely now....brother need your advises...pls contact me as soon as possible...can? *praying*

today, my mood so down....mad.....pissed off!! i hate myself like this.....really.....alots of things hovered me now....im so sad...so sad....i can't expressed my feelings to buddies besides me..it's quite hard to speak....

Do you know, dad? i have called bernard....he was moody too...he worried about his future and hate himself...he said mummy dont want him anymore....its hurt...i can feel that mummy was mad and sad now....how dad? i worried......

i wan back to sabah..i promise, i will back soon....i wan back...

complicated)

"kampar is a boring place!!" yea....cn't imagine without u all(geteksss) what could be my life here? oppsss..."house women'? haha....however, it was about 4 months for not updating my blog huh? well, now should be the time for me...boring~~hahaXD...how to express my feelings? hard to speak out...;(
alots of bad happening around this month~~i miss my family...my dad..my mum n bro... ! in first, i thought i cn't forgive my brother..but in fact, i miss him....he broke his promises....out of my expectation...totally! anyway, this road is his election...ain't?  but, as a sister, i never do good job responsibilities towards him!!! DUMB!
my dad was disappeared for 3 days....never pick up my call...how sad am i..how could i stand on it? darkness hovered me right now...i worried my mum...can feel her sadness now...as a woman, she maybe heartbroken....i can't accept the fact!!! where u dad? can somebody give me an answer now? pls...
however, luckily u all(getekss) besides me now....many bad things happened to us these days....but we're not alone~~ i hope someday we can probably move out of this darkness! love ya....

we're not alone~~enjoying our kampar boring place with MAMAK, junk foods, online, games, ipoh trip, daily meals...bla bla bla..most important is "birthday surprise"! haha...ZzzZ...
 Thanks KUTU!! im feel better)

 our "rubbish"..haha